Best in Food

Zagat is out with their list of the best dining establishments. They came up with the results after surveying 6,518 diners. (My comments follow… feel free to post yours)

Best Burger
1) Five Guys
2) In-N-Out Burger
3) Wendy’s
4) Burger King
5) McDonald’s
* all good, but no nod for White Castle?  And it must be fast food only, because Red Robin should definitely be on the list.

Best French Fries
1) McDonald’s – true but only if eaten in the first 10 minutes. After that they’re terrible.
3) In-N-Out Burger
4) Wendy’s
5) Burger King

Best Milkshakes
1) Dairy Queen
2) Cold Stone Creamery
3) Sonic Drive-in
4) Chick-fil-A
5) Ben & Jerry’s
Here is a list of some of theother category winners:

Best Fried Chicken: Kentucky Fried Chicken (KFC)

Best Grilled Chicken: Chick-fil-A

Best Fish: Long John Silver’s – Ha ha ha, in a class by itself.

Best Salads: Panera Bread – Not bad, but I have to go with Paradise Bakery & Cafe

Most Child-Friendly: McDonald’s

Best Value: McDonald’s

Best Steak: Outback Steakhouse – couldn’t say, I always have the Queensland Chicken & Shrimp

Best Pasta: Maggiano’s – close #2 Olive Garden?

Best Breakfast: Cracker Barrel

Best Seafood: Bonefish Grill

Best Desserts: The Cheesecake Factory

Most Child-Friendly: Chuck E. Cheese’s

Show Me the Money

Just to make you feel better about heading off to work today, here’s the Top Five (in each category) Highest Paid TV Stars according to Hollyscoop.

Drama actors:
Hugh Laurie (House) $400,000+
Christopher Meloni & Mariska Hargitay (Law & Order: SVU) $395,000 (each)
David Caruso (CSI: Miami) $375,000
Marg Helgenberger (CSI) $375,000
Laurence Fishburne (CSI) $350,000

Talk show hosts:
Oprah Winfrey $315 million
Judge Judy Sheindlin $45 million
David Letterman (The Late Show) $28 million
Jay Leno (The Tonight Show) $25 million
Conan O’Brien (The Conan O’Brien Show) $10 million

Reality:
Ryan Seacrest (American Idol) $15 million
Joel McHale (The Soup) $2 million
Piers Morgan (America’s Got Talent) $2 million
Kate Gosselin (Kate Plus Eight) $250,000 per episode
Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi (Jersey Shore) $30,000 per episode

Comedy actors:
Charlie Sheen (Two and a Half Men) $1.25 million
Jon Cryer (Two and a Half Men) $550,000
Dan Castellaneta and Julie Kavner (The Simpsons) $400,000
Tina Fey (30 Rock) $350,000
Jeremy Piven (Entourage) $350,000

News:
Matt Lauer (Today) $16 million +
Katie Couric (CBS) $15 million
Bill O’Reilly (Fox News) $10 million
Keith Olbermann (MSNBC) $7 million
Wolf Blitzer (CNN) $3 million

The B doesn’t go in the woods

In an effort to garner some ratings for two shows no one really cares about, Kate Gosselin and her brood went good old fashioned camping with the Palin’s.  As you would expect, the trip quickly turned into a disaster. The National Enquirer reports that Kate had no interest in fishing, hunting or panning for gold because it was raining. When they handed her a bucket with a toilet seat on top, Kate said, ‘What the hell am I going to do with this!’ Then she burst into tears and started moaning that she wanted to leave. Kate eventually ditched the Palins, who spent the night in their tents. TLC will air the trip on November 14th.

This reminds me of my favorite camping story.  My girlfriend at the time and I were going to meet my roommate Alex and his girlfriend at a campground for a weekend of boating, fishing and roughing it.  Alex had decided to take a few days off of work and head up early.  When Amy and I showed up on Friday afternoon, we found that they had scoped out the site and set up their tent in a perfect spot. Our campsite sloped downhill and ended in a little grassy spot surrounded by trees.  You guessed it, Alex’s tent was pitched on the nice, soft grass, leaving us up on top of the hill – and the rocks.  Aside from a bit of a rough night sleep, this being before air mattresses were so common, we embarked on a fun day.  That afternoon, as we were getting back to the campsite, it started to sprinkle a little.  Alex grabbed a deck of cards and we passed the time playing Sheeps-head with the girls in my tent.  AS we were playing, we noticed the rain starting to come down a bit harder… and a bit harder.  Pretty soon we were waiting through a pretty nasty storm.

When the storm cleared, we come out of the tent to survey the scene.  Alex went down to his tent, where he found everything floating in about a foot and a half of water.  We quickly packed all of our wet stuff up and headed back to the city.  Amy and I chuckled all the way about Alex’s prime choice of tent locations.

Snail-ed It

Have you seen this new fad?

Women, in an effort to look younger, are flocking to get Snail Gel Facials. Hailed as the ‘next big thing’ in beauty, therapists rub gooey snail secretions over one’s skin. The gel contains high levels of allantoin, which moisturizes and soothes while plumping the outer layers of the skin. Chilean snail farmers developed the practice and say the gel is good for cleansing, toning and exfoliation.

I’m beginning to think that there is a group of people who sit together in a room and try to come up with ridiculous things to make women do. Snails? Seriously?  Though I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised, ladies with a few wrinkles and lots of money have been fighting aging in many strange ways for years.

Bird Poop Facials – Which apparently contains a chemical called Guanine that is said to be awesome for your skin and can only be found in bird poop.

Placenta Milkshakes – This tissue that grows inside of women when they are pregnant and serves to nourish and protect the fetus. In Japan people are  drinking ground placenta to look and feel younger. GROSS!

Mayonnaise Lotions – When rubbed onto your skin, mayo is said to increase smoothness, softness AND elasticity. No word on whether or not Miracle Whip is an acceptable substitute.

Lemon-Juice Highlights – The completely natural way to lighten your strands…squirt some lemon juice on your hair and lay out in the sun for the cheapest most real-looking highlights you’ve ever had.  (Side note… Guilty.  I tried this as a kid.  Probably why I was bald by 20.)

Bull Semen Hair Conditioner – I’m not making this up! Bull semen is said to not only strengthen and smooth hair, but also to add shine to it. (I’m thinking of MANY funny things… none of which I can print here.)

Fish Pedicure – I saw this on TV. The key to fresh feet is removing dead skin cells, and this strange spa treatment has people dip their feet into a bucket of fish who actually eat off the dead skin, leaving soft, fresh skin behind.

While I was fortunate enough to marry a German woman who hasn’t aged a day in 17 years, I personally think women age like a fine wine.  So spend lots of money on them, take them out and show them off to your friends, and keep them in a temperature controlled cellar.