Help Wanted

Looking for a new job?  How’s your resume?  Having been on both sides of the hiring desk, I’m always amazed how little effort people put into getting a new job.  This is the first step in what could be a life changing situation, and yet you’ll find resumes in every stack from ‘non-Hallmark’ people who didn’t “care enough to send the very best”.

Here’s why it’s so important.  A new survey by CareerBuilder.com shows that over a third of hiring managers spend less than one minute reviewing a resume while 18% spend less than 30 seconds!

Think of it as a relationship.  Your resume is your first impression and hopefully your foot in the door.  If you want to get to the first date, make the impression a good one.  Don’t make the mistakes these people made.

The most memorable missteps HR managers encountered when going through resumes included a candidate who:

put God down as a reference
listed her hobby as alligator watching
claimed to be a direct descendant of the Vikings
had an email address with “lovesbeer” in it
listed “Master of Time and Universe” under experience
specifically pointed out he was not a gypsy
said he must be allowed to bring his pet monkey to the workplace
pointed out, “I’ll have your job in five years.”
sent a 24-page resume for a five-year career
put a picture of her cat on top of her resume
sent a video trying to hypnotize the HR manager into hiring him.

My favorite package I ever received as a manager was (pre-9/11) a packaging tube painted to look like TNT with a “wick” sticking out of one end.  Inside was a resume that said “Dynamite Employee Inside”.  Got him an interview!

Common Scents

I saw a survey done by AXE Body Spray and the Smell & Taste Treatment and Research Foundation about women and what they think of us smelly guys.

- 66% of women say they are likely to kiss a guy on a first date if he smells good.

- 25% of women will wait anywhere from two weeks to a month before washing their sheets in order to keep their guy’s scent close

- 56% of women won’t date a guy who smells like their dad

- 50% of women have stolen an article of clothing from a guy so they can enjoy his scent when he’s not around.

- 60% of women sleep in their guy’s clothes because they like his lingering aroma

- 60% of women still remember the smell of their ex’s cologne

Anything surprise you in this study?  Ladies, do you agree?

The Search for Shmoz

This morning on our show we had people calling in with their Grocery Store gripes.  People who park their carts in the  middle of the aisle, let their kids run wild, etc.  Now I realize that I am in the minority of men (in many things-LOL), but I LOVE to grocery shop!  While I am perfectly capable of going in with a list getting what I need and getting on the road, I actually enjoy walking the aisles, checking out the products, and finding fun new things to try.  In fact, my adoration of all things food is probably why I am the designated shopper in my family.

This is not without its perils, however.  My wife, God bless her, really goes out of her way to try to find new and inventive ways to feed us healthy food. That, in turn, can lead to some confusing moments of trying to find rare ingredients in the grocery store.  My wife makes out her grocery list in a very specific way.  She has categories mapped out: Meat, Veggies/Fruit, Dairy, Bread, etc. and a list of items under each.  There will always be a list of items that don’t fall under these categories that she puts at the end and I have to try to find.  It’s kind of like a scavenger hunt for food.

On one particularly memorable trip, I brought my daughters along.  One pushes the cart, one commands the list, and I get the items for the cart.  We were doing well until we came upon an item I’d never heard of before: SHMOZ.   “What did you say?” I asked my daughter “Shmoz,” she replied, “S-H-M-O-Z” My little one started to giggle, “What the heck is shmoz?” she asks. I tell her I have no idea.  I don’t even know where to begin looking.  So I do another non-manly thing… I ask one of the store employees.  “Where can an enterprising young man like me find some Shmoz?”  After looking at me like I’m speaking a foreign language, he tells me he’s never heard of shmoz.  Being the helpful employee he was though, he got on the radio and asked the manager.  The manager’s reaction was surprisingly similar to my daughter’s: he giggled and said “What the heck is shmoz?”

At this point, I’m at the end of my resources and call my wife.  I told her we got just about everything on the list, “but I couldn’t find shmoz anywhere and no one seems to know what it is.” “Shmoz?” she asks.  Exasperated, I shout “Yes, shmoz! Its right here S-H-M-O-Z!”

“Oh,” she laughs “Shredded Mozzarella!”

I’m no longer allowed to shop solo.

[Shotgun aside: a terrific cookbook for healthy recipes that taste great is Eat Well, Lose Weight from Better Homes and Gardens. We eat from this cookbook at least 1-2x per week.]

Do Guys actually DO this?

A new survey by the online casino MrGreen.com reveals that 63% of women secretly like cheesy pickup lines.  Here’s the list of their top submissions. Feel free to add your own.

Best Pickup Lines

1. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
2. Apart from being beautiful, what do you do for a living?
3. Shall we talk or continue flirting from a distance?
4. Nice dress, it’d look good on my bedroom floor.
5. I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?
6. Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven?
7. Do you believe in helping the homeless? If yes, take me home with you.
8. If I told you that you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?
9. Do you mind if I stare at you up close instead of from across the room?
10. Hi, I just wanted to give you the satisfaction of turning me down. Go ahead, say no.
11. I seem to have lost my number, can I have yours instead?
12. Is it hot in here or is it just you?
13. I have had a really bad day and it always makes me feel better to see a pretty girl smile. So, would you smile for me?
14. There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can’t take them off you.
15. I suffer from amnesia. Do I come here often?